On Oceans of Blue

"love does not keep a record of wrongs"
but life sure does
the old self haunts the new self
when shes supposed to be dead and buried
she sneaks up and kicks
square in the ass
its not my fault
those mistakes
someone else made them
in a different life
and i now i suffer
thanks to someone else
thanks to my old self
i feel so separate from the past
so isolated
so joyous
that i’m a new creature
brand new
like a child
on the first day of school
being punished for an older child’s behavior
being sent to the corner
because an older child stole someone’s blocks
because an older child ran out of the room without a teacher
because an older child ate too much snack before lunch
why?!?
it wasnt worth it
it was all more heartache than joy
it was more broken dreams than love fulfilled
i always thought itd be ok
"because ive lived"
except i was dead
it was ok
"because ive been there, done that"
except it was someone else, not me
im so broken
so disappointed
so hurt
and its all my fault
except
it isnt