On Oceans of Blue

so the past really does haunt
it really does follow me around
like a ghost who refuses to die
sometimes more opaque
sometimes fairly translucent
but always there
always trailing
only a foot or so behind
and when i think
im over it
its gone
ill never deal with him again
ill never hear his voice
or see his face
or feel his pain
there he is
when i look in the mirror
he stares at me
over my shoulder
wondering why i abandon the past
why i so forcefully push forward
i am not running
but why wont my past leave me alone?
why am i haunted?
why am i burned?
why do i look in the mirror
and see him?
why cant i leave it all behind
when its all so far
yet all so close
and when i shut the door
it knocks
and the dog barks
and then he bangs the door
and i open it a little more
and hes still there
waiting to haunt
wanting to follow
wishing he were present not past
and since hes past
hell follow my present
why!?!?
why am i haunted?
i jus want to be left alone…

i wanna write bout you, babe
i wanna give you a great love poem
but for some reason i cant
i cant squeeze it out
i cant coax it out
i cant shove it out
i cant convince it out
it simply wont come
i dont know what to tell you
ive told you all
its all been said
i could say it all again
for reminder purposes
but it seems silly to list
fill it in and youre mostly ok
i  ____ you
simply avoid things like
"hate" and "destroy" and "control"
and thats it right there
the entire poem
in jus a few words
i  ____ you
im no whitman
and im certainly no poe
maybe thats why im blocked so often
but its ok i think
cus you know
youve always known
and i hope youll always know
i  ____ you, babe
maybe its not a real love poem
maybe it wont be read forever
generation to generation
but its the truth
thats all that matters
me and you and the truth
i  ____ you

oh does this feel better
oh so much better
a peace
a release
a this-is-finally-ok

amongst the turmoil
amid the rain
in the center of it all
in the eye
i remain

i cannot control the storm
i cannot foresee the next clap of thunder
i can walk on the water though
if i simply believe

oh this is infinately better
this peace
this release
i lay it all at Your feet
the boulder
off my shoulder
is gone

thank you

anywhere but nineveh
why do i travel that road?
i know of the wale
ive been there before
yet i travel the road away from rome
and away from nineveh

i make an effort
to get back on track
sit under a tree
and contemplate the struggles ahead
i make an effort
to be the strong one
to prevail
i fail

away from nineveh
away from rome i go
i dont wanna go on
and i dont wanna go home
why do i travel that road?

all my attempts get lost in a wave
swept by my own foolishness
my own selfishness
eroding the supplies i packed
for nineveh
thats what i get for packing on my own

all my attempts are washed aside
til i cry for help
til i cry for strength
til i cry for You, Lord
why i dont i cry for You, Lord?
now i am crying for You, Lord
not my will but Yours

move my feet towards nineveh, Lord
move my feet towards You
gather my supplies
strengthen my weaknesses
test my strenghts
make me Yours
take me to nineveh
then take me home

by Edgar Allan Poe
(published 1843)

Lo! ’tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.
Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly-
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery to and fro,
Flapping from out their Condor wings
Invisible Woe!

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.

But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes!- it writhes!- with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Out- out are the lights- out all!
And, over each quivering form,
The curtain, a funeral pall,
Comes down with the rush of a storm,
While the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm
That the play is the tragedy, "Man,"
And its hero the Conqueror Worm.

one day down
a lifetime to go
I cannot do this alone
I need His power

No man will be able to stand against you. The LORD your God, as he promised you, will put the terror and fear of you on the whole land, wherever you go.
Deuteronomy 11:25

one day down
a million more to go
I cannot do this alone
I will go crazy
I need His love

The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.
Exodus 34:6-7

one day down
million lessons to go
I cannot do this alone
I will go crazy
I will fail
I need His help

O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
O LORD, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit.
Psalm 30:2-3

one day down
so much more to go
I cannot do this alone
I will go crazy
I will fail
I need His salvation
His help
His love
His power

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
II Timothy 1:7

The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
my father’s God, and I will exalt him
Exodus 15:2

hello to a heart so dear
hello to a love
brought about in fear
hello to a breaking of walls
hello to a joy
brought about from the fall
hello to a cross stained in blood
hello to a peace
brought about with a flood
hello to a forever so true
hello to a hope
brought about for me and you
hello truth
hello real love
hello faith
pure as the dove
hello life
hello honesty
hello Father
together for all eternity

so i accidentally mixed up the red and the white…

heres what its supposed to be…

black for sin

red for the blood of Christ

white for purity

blue for baptism

green for growth

and gold for Heaven

life is simple*

life is hard

life is a trek through the mud

life is tough

life is real

life is a metaphor

life is a reflection in a mirror*

life is continuous

a chasing after the wind**

a cycle

a repetition

but life ends

life is death

die and you are truly alive at last

* Not Really. It should be. If stuff is going on than it doesn’t seem simple. but it should. My point is Keep it simple

* 1 Corinthians 13:2; Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

* um… Ecclesiastes again. lol. sorry.. i can’t remember exact verses… just read the whole book, its good stuff.

[A/N] So yea. Life is SLOW for me right now. Hurry up!!!!! gah. lol. see previous post.. >_<!! =X but yea no seriously, Life is treating me alright. Idk. I myself am pretty neutral right now.. (it’s probably because I’m sleepy, haha) we’ll see what happens, if anything happens, which it probably won’t. There is nothing new in my life and i’m sorta bored with it..

and that’s all for now folks, i’m goin ta bed. ^_^ g’night ~.~